Welcome to Our New Addition!

Well, we decided to throw aside all caution, and now we are the proud owners of a basset hound otherwise referred to as “Henry.”

Carlos has always wanted a dog but growing up New York City left no room for dogs. When we got married we talked about having kids and a dog. The dog would come first and sometime later we’d start accumulating children. Our lives have evolved in an order which we did not foresee nor plan, but we are confident that it is God’s plan.

So because children came first, the dog thing kept getting pushed off further into the distance…But last Monday one of the pastors in our church sent out a staff e-mail, asking if anyone would like a five year old basset hound who was in need of a home. He was already potty trained and neutered. So Carlos and I played a game we’ve played in the past of “what do you think?” and “What if”. Only this time the game ended differently and this time we really ended up with a dog and not a fanciful notion of one.

I think despite our united decision on the topic we both were a little incredulous and shocked that we really were adding one more living being to our brood, and that we really were going to be dog owners…But here we are one week later and all is well.

Henry is incredibly mellow, sleeping most of the time. He is also exceedingly patient, especially with a certain 2 year old boy that treats him like a science experiment.

His main and possibly only flaw so far is that he smells a lot more like a dog than I thought he would. I know it sounds like an oxymoron but I’ve been around dogs and they all seem to exhibit varying degrees of dog smell . Henry’s odor seems quite strong to me. Especially since when we got him, I was told he’d just had a bath and he smelled even then! Oh well, nobody’s perfect I guess…

The kids are of course beside themselves in ecstatic jubilation. They too are shell shocked that this pivotal event has happened since we told them it wouldn’t be happening for quite some years. And so now our family is complete I guess. Just call me the old no the young lady who lived in a shoe. Our lives are often times chaos but they are full, full, full and I wouldn’t trade places with anyone for the life of me. We are blessed beyond measure and just as crazy I guess.

P.S I will post pictures soon.

For the Catalyst....

Well world, Friends...

I am pregnant once more!

Yes, so I was really was sort of in shock that first day I read the test results, and I sat on Carlos' lap and cried. But then I just had this enormous peace come over me, and I am just happy. I think I mentioned before that when I was pregnant with Natalia I was very unhappy. I wish I could go back and change my own attitude because she was SUCH a blessing, as are all my kids, and all children really. So I will rejoice and be glad because my Lord is good and his mercies endure forever.

I am sorry if it seems impersonal to be telling you this way and like I've said from the beginning I was all along trying to express my thought process, who I was and how I've arrived to the person who I am today. I don't want to answer these questions a million times, and I don't want to see any look of horror anyone might have. Because I am really very happy.

God has given me this wonderful assurance that this child is from Him, made by Him, for a special purpose. ( Of course all children are but I think we forget sometimes when they don't fit our own agenda) I am not naive in my peace, I know tough times await me, but I also know that God will be with me always.
The community at large need not worry that we'll be going on welfare. I think we'll manage. We'll be poor, but then again we'd never aspired to be rich, nor did we think we'd ever be rich. It may not be socially acceptable to have five children in two rooms but it has been done, and it can be done. We will be poor but rich in love and blessings.

To answer some other questions:

Yes we do know how this is happening, and we've taken precautions. We have started to put our toothbrushes in separate cups.

Is anyone getting fixed?
Fixed for what? Nothing's broken.

Are we having any more?
I don't know, maybe. what's it to ya?

I also want to apologize for the force of my homeschooling post. It was the first thing I blogged about and I was so full of thoughts and indignation that my baby wouldn't be accepted kindly that anything I may have written on first would have come out strong.

Finally, please don't be offended that I didn't tell you face to face. I do still have many issues and I just wanted people to know and have digested everything when they finally saw me. This was all me, and not my husband who is really so much more relational and loving than I am.

I also had wanted to say so much more, but I am feeling pretty crummy lately.

So that's it for now I guess. Now we just need to find out how many are in there!!!

Winding this down...

I’ve lost momentum. Unfortunately passion ebbs down with time. I was going to tell you in detail because I’m not a fast summary person of how enormously God has blessed us financially. Not that we are or ever were rich, quite the opposite, but how he was always in the midst of our ups and downs.

Our first year of marriage we made a whopping $16,000 combined. We’ve never lacked for anything and neither have our children. We live the way we do partly by choice, partly by circumstances but we are happy. Like I said, I’ve lost momentum and energy…so I am going to end my series today or tomorrow and hopefully I’ll leave you with a bit of a bang! Talk to you soon.

Let's talk money...

I grew up in Colombia. I would say that my mom was a struggling single mom, but that most of my family was in the middle class range of Colombia. I did not have the amount of clothes or toys that my own children have, but we had all we needed. I did not think we were poor, because I’d seen the poor. They were the homeless man that passed by my grandmother’s house and whom she fed. They were the little girl my age who’d ring my bell and asked for food or clothing for her and her family. They were the people who lived in shacks. They were the family members of girls like the maids we had, they’d take me with them to visit their family or friends. It consisted of one room dwellings, with dirt floors, one table and maybe a bed. That was poverty. So I never thought myself poor.

When I was 10, I joined my mom in NY, here in the United States at last. Well it was very clear shortly after, that if we were not poor in Colombia here we were rich. At least I think that is what I often thought and continued to believe for a long time. The reality is that my mom has cleaned a wealthy couple’s house in NYC for the past 20 years. By most people standards she would be what? Lower class? Blue collared? I don’t know. I know that with the incredible wealth in this country and because of my mom’s hard work and sacrifices, I grew up in NY like a spoiled princess. My mom often bought my clothes at Bloomingdale’s and I grew up thinking it was normal to shop there. When I was a teenager I worked and I quickly spent my money on hair, nails, and shoes. My shoes were always hundreds of dollars…

So you know some of the rest of the story. I met a man named Jesus when I was 17 and he changed my life forever. But again I still held material things very dear. In fact I spent over $1000 for prom. That figure astounds and embarrasses me.

So let’s fast forward to Carlos. He sweeps me off my feet. I agree to marry him. I am so smitten and so impatient and eager to marry him that I don’t argue about our wedding location- A room connected to a diner under the subway in a busy Queens neighborhood. We begin looking at apartments and some are pretty close to Philly, and they are reminiscent of our NY ghettos. I look at each one with hope and excitement and each one looks right to me. I know that I can make them all look like home with a little love. Carlos always the more levelheaded one, puts his foot down and insists that we can’t live in a place like that. So we finally find Hatfield Village Apartments. I am not exaggerating when I say that they appeared to us, like a dream come true. We loved the grounds, the model was so quaint. It looked to us (don’t laugh) like the ideal home in the country. We were not sure if we’d get it, because Carlos did not have a job, only I did. He did have some money saved and so we hoped this would help in the application process. So we prayed fervently and we got accepted. The day after we came back from our honeymoon, we put all our measly belongings in a truck and moved to the “country”. That first night we slept on our full mattress in our living room and we were in heaven. So I loved our apartment, I loved our new home.

I am going to stop there because this is getting long, so it will be continued next time.

A little window into my journey...

OK, how can I describe the Journey? Let’s just say that before Christ I was unbelievably shallow and self-centered. My Values were disproportionate and out of whack. After Christ I had a better perspective and an all surpassing hope but I was not all that much different. Christ has been gentle with me, and yet he’s known how to give me tough love when I need it. Getting married probably appeared like one of the most reckless and foolish things I could’ve ever done, and yet it was so pivotal in the journey. Marriage immediately and intimately confronted me with my utter selfishness in a way that only marriage can. And it was ugly. I do not understand how Carlos put up with it, let alone live through it. I’ve joked that I was often throwing tantrums and people smile good naturedly… I think, not quite sure what I mean. What I mean by tantrums, is full blown yelling at the top my lungs, throwing things, and stomping feet…And this shall we call it “problem” was only a “little” thing in the many that God would deal with me, and teach me about through this wonderful thing call marriage. I’ve often also said that Marriage and the children that quickly followed were God’s divine intervention, and divine wisdom to help me get in shape. Our first year of marriage was wonderful but it was also a torrent of emotion and not easy… And then there we were celebrating our 1 year anniversary one moment and the next holding new life in our arms, and our lives once again were changed forever. There are absolutely no regrets there. There is no better way to learn selflessness than by becoming a parent, and learning to love this little person more than you love yourself. But I struggled with depression, and I was pretty useless around the house. I would literally sit and hold that baby all day long, until Carlos got home when I might put him down briefly to watch Carlos make dinner. Did you catch that? Carlos made dinner, that’s all good and OK, yeah women power, equality and all that, can I intervene here and say P-LEASE people, stop! I was useless!. Really useless. I did not know how to keep house nor where to begin, back home I had never done anything useful and now I was lost. I would cook occasionally leaving a hurricane trail behind me, and I was utterly depressed during the day at home. I was totally dependent on Carlos for everything. Food, peace and happiness. Talk about unrealistic expectations. So in 2003 almost 19 months after Caleb was born came Autumn. Right after Autumn was born, Carlos started working in the Mortgage department at the bank and not much later he became a loan officer. And it was at this time, that God really began to prune me. All of a sudden Carlos wasn’t there, and I was responsible for everything. I couldn’t just go to sleep and ignore everything ‘cause I had two little ones to take care of and to top it all off Carlos was not home very much anymore because of demands on his job. SO I threw my tantrums at God. How could he do this to me? How could he lead me to believe that marriage was a good thing, and now I was stuck at home in a tiny two bedroom apartment and was unhappy. So God in his awesome gentle and loving ways began to teach me that as much as I adored my husband, I was almost idolizing, placing him on this wonderful mantle where he was quickly and rapidly falling off. I like many women, had thought that if I got married to my prince charming life would then be absolutely perfect and I would live happily ever after. So I was slowly learning to place my trust solely on Him who is in total control of my life. I was slowly learning to learn to get my true source of Joy from him, and not people. Because Carlos was not there I very painfully learned to sweep, and wash dishes and other annoying things like that …Not long after Autumn was born I began to long for another child, (because I’m crazy  ) but we lived in an apartment and it was not plausible to have a baby just then. Also during this time, I struggled with our apartment, as I had become convinced (as much as I was learning, I hadn’t learned enough yet!-as if we one ever could) that if we owned a house, then I could truly be happy. Then I would find fulfillment. So one day when we were not expecting it Noah arrived and we had to move, and we bought a house. Carlos still was never home, and I had grown accustomed to this, but now I had a house so I should’ve been happy right? Wrong. It was also during this time that Carlos began to do really well in his job and financially we were better than ever before. God was waiting for me patiently, to realize what he’d been trying to tell me all along which I finally did one day; It didn’t matter if I had the best husband in the world (which I do), it didn’t matter how many children I had, what kind of house I had, it would never be enough until I acknowledged and truly absorbed the reality that he is all I need, His Grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in weakness. Then 16 months later Natalia was born and right before that Carlos switched jobs and was finally home. I am telling you this because I have found the whole journey really tough. I don’t know if I am just super weak or a big quitter, but I so much wanted to give up so many different times. I despaired often. But what I have come away with is this wonderful and amazing assurance of Christ’s perfect provision and love. Most importantly that every blessing whether financial or emotional that he gives, and every hardship that he allows is all for a reason, and is all a part of his perfect plan

Part I - On Why I homeschool.

If you are just joining me you might want to read the first post in the series to come, which is labeled intro to rantings or some such thing like that...




I know after that long drawn out intro, you are scratching your head and thinking, “so we are talking about homeschooling?”
The answer is yes, for now we are because I am talking about who I am right now and how I got here, and why I do the things I do, and mostly because I want to scream “THIS IS HOW I AM DOING THINGS WORLD, THINK YOU WHAT YOU WANT, I AM SECURE IN CHRIST!!!”

(A little side note: I realize I sound as if I have really gone off the deep end now, but I promise it will all make sense in the end, sort of. Also I am a little crazy and again, I don’t give a hoot).

After I had a couple of children, and began to fully understand the task ahead of me... That of raising children who would love the lord, know the lord, children who would follow his commands, and walk with Him...
I began to feel very inadequate, and afraid. I did not grow up knowing God as I do now. I believed in Him, I knew of Him but I never would really involve Him in my life unless I needed something from Him.
I came to know Him when I was 17 and although some may say that’s early, it didn’t feel that way to me. It felt like I wasted SO much time chasing false hopes. Seeking happiness in boys and things, and basically finding nothing but emptiness, because nothing is good apart from him, and all good things are from him. Even after coming to know him, although there was instantaneous joy and relief at finally falling into his arms, things were not peachy. I didn’t realize that life wasn’t supposed to be all roses all the time. It took years of growing and God stretching and teaching me, (which he’s still doing), to find an inner joy despite circumstances, and a true faith which anchors my life.

So as I examined the task ahead of raising my children, as the bible implores me to do, I was overwhelmed. I had never really heard of homeschooling until I became a Christian, and even then I had not heard very many good things and this out of the mouths of Christians.

But I didn’t feel equipped to counteract the teachings, and culture that the public school system would give my children. After all, I myself had emerged from that and it wasn’t pretty. I began to consider the prospect of homeschooling. Carlos at first was opposed, he did not want our children to be “ weirdos” or “ freaks”. Other people’s thoughts were that we would be sheltering our children, and isolating them instead of allowing them to be the salt of the earth.

Well let me stop here and say a couple of things. Number one is that the task of raising kids, whether homeschooling or not is a great and mighty one. It is one that we cannot do on our own, and I realize this fully. Jesus Christ needs to be in the picture and not just an occasional visitor but a constant presence in our everyday lives. We can’t do it without Him.

OK, next to the weirdo and freak theory, I have this to say:
I was popular in High School, I was somewhat pretty, I had pretty things. These things did nothing for me except bring me fleeting and passing joys. So yes, I fit in the world. Wonderful and what? Carlos on the other hand kept himself separate, he was in the world ( High school) but was not really a part of that world. ( He wasn’t doing drugs, joining gangs, and so forth.) And to many he was weird and not always in a good way.

Well, I want my children to be more like that. Actually it would be fair to say that I do want my children to be freaks. Yes, Jesus Freaks. I want them to be completely and wholly sold out to the life and works of Jesus Christ. I want them to long for and chase after eternal things. NOT earthly things, and NOT things of this world. So, to the world (and maybe Christians too) they might not appear normal, and that is perfectly OK with me because they are not citizens of this world but another, and their Father is not of this world but another. And I want them to mirror their heavenly father, and not their earthly parents.

Before I go on, another disclaimer. I don’t claim that homeschooling is the only way, the absolute path, and that all the parents that send their kids to public school are heathens. That would be heresy. Let’s all agree that the most important thing is Jesus, and that He is the driving force behind our daily lives. For me this meant that I had to homeschool. For me it meant, that I felt to fully carry out what I thought he was calling me to do, I had to homeschool. That may not be the case for you and that’s fine. There are in fact several parents who I admire and aspire to be like who send their wonderful children to public school.

As far as the sheltering thing, that is another aspect that I will not apologize for, nor will I cower at. Yes I am sheltering my children in a way. I am choosing not to expose them to things too early that they should not be exposed to yet. I have no shame in that. One day my children no matter how much I would try to cover their eyes, will be exposed to the evils of this world. In fact they already have been in some instances. Because our world is full of sin, and we can shield our children for a time, but it is always there, it is even in them. So they will know one day how fully wicked our world is, and if I can prolong that a bit, and in the mean time tell them of their God and how good he is and how perfect and Holy and how only in Him can we find true Joy and happiness. Then one day, I can send them into the world grounded in their faith and knowledge of their creator and God, then they can be the salt of the earth. And hopefully do it gently and lovingly as God calls us to do, because they will then understand how truly blessed they are to know him, and how utterly lost the world is without him.

So I homeschool mostly because I want to pass my faith to my children. I make mistakes, I am miserably flawed, but even with those obstacles it is my personal conviction that by keeping them at home, I can better teach and train them to be essential members of the kingdom of God. I do it for the glory of God and not my own, and there is no shame in that. I will not cower any more, especially among Christians that feel threatened. As if homeschoolers are saying that to be or do anything else is evil, and you know what, maybe some self-righteous homeschoolers are and that's wrong, but for the most part, among Christians, and you know what even those that aren’t doing it for God. We (homeschoolers) are just trying to do what we think is best for our children, and it bears no reflection on the rest of the world, and their choices to homeschool or not.

I am speaking these things trying to say them in love and not in condemnation and it’s not an explanation nor an argument as to why my way is better. Not at all, because for some, it may not be better. It is simply more of a declaration. It is a declaration saying YES I homeschool! And I do it because and for the glory of God.

Lastly, I did not even address the whole socialization issue because in this day and age, the claim that homeschoolers are unsocialized is almost ludicrous. There is almost too many ways for my children to socialize, again there might be exceptions to that, but in our case my kids are being socialized plenty. For those who know my oldest son, you may be thinking that he definitely needs some socializing, to which my mama bear claws come out in response and I try to restrain, but the response is that he is a quiet kid in public and with new faces, it is who he is. There are many kinds of people in this world and he is who God made him to be. I will try to make him a kind, and loving person but I am not sure changing him is in order. As my outgoing and boisterous husband likes to point out to me, he was very much like him at that age, and he is just fine. SO thank you for putting up with me this far, for listening to my rantings…

Until next time, soon…

Intro To My Series Of Ramblings And Self Discovery...

Somebody asked me recently if I was blogging lately, and I responded that I was pondering all that I am eager to share…

I am going to be doing a series of posts which can be described at best as "rantings”…They are words that have been swirling around in my head, like leaves on a windy fall day. I have had them on the tip of my tongue, running constantly through my head, tormenting me in their urgency to be set free for the past couple of weeks. So I will not be funny which is a little sad and nerve wracking for me, but it can’t be helped…This will be almost like a soul purging.I feel like Beth Moore when she says: “I have a word…” and boy, I have many. I hope I will not be offensive as I try to express my thoughts but I may be raw because I don’t know how to be anything else…I don’t know how to be superficial and light and fluffy. I stink at it, which is why I often offend people and I feel I am misunderstood.

So I am 29, and I have heard from the world out there that being in your 30’s is the best age to be. You have more confidence and self assertment…( that's not really a word) You don’t worry about what other people think as much and you are still “young” to conceptualize your dreams.

Well maybe my 30’s is here a year early…But I tend to think that some of the ramblings I find myself uttering lately, as well as the thoughts that have brought this forth, are stemming from a recent encounter with God, in which I was faced with what appeared to be an “obstacle” for lack of better words, or at least what could have been perceived as an obstacle in my walk with Christ or at least a cause to falter and doubt my God. After this “event”, I felt God’s presence over me, and His blessed assurance in such a way as I’ve felt only a handful of times in my life, and I felt so secure in his perfect will that I began to feel a slight chip on my shoulder for all the people who might be naysayers in my life and this I freely admit is not of God but it has fueled my rambling thoughts…Anyway I will share more about the “event” in a culmination of my posts in a few weeks as the “grand finale”, so you can follow along if you choose to stick with me that long. I am doing this I think partly for me, as a healing balm and also like flower just bloomed and realizing this is who I am, and I am happy, and for the first time in maybe forever, I am OK with all that it entails, and I don’t care what the world thinks.

That is part of it I guess. I've always worried so much what others thought, even when I went ahead and followed my heart's desire, I still would let the constant worries about what others were thinking hinder me. I got married at 20. It appeared as if I was saying "I am getting married because I am madly in love and I don't care what the world thinks" and I did get married and I was blissfully happy, but I did care what they thought and in fact I often tried to hide my age, or tried to appear older, so that my marriage would appear more normal and therefore be more "acceptable". That's just an example and a minor rambling and well it's obvious I've had some issues, and I don't know that I am completely cured, but like I said, I think I came to a fork in a road, and I took the road less traveled by. I am SO OK with it that I think it can only be because of God.

I think that is enough for now, next time we will begin.